Never Give a Man More Credit Than He Deserves

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Name: Anabelle
Question: I recently met this amazing guy at a party. After talking to him all night until 5am and having a blast, we went back to his place and of course, hooked up. It was amazing! We stayed up all night talking too.. about our favorite books, favorite breweries and all our similar interests and world travels. He offered to show me around town since I’m new there. The next day about noon, he took me back to my car at the party house. He kissed me goodbye and just as I was about to jump out of his truck, he realized he didn’t have my number. I gave it to him, he smiled and kissed me again.

That was Sunday morning and now it’s Wednesday night. Why didn’t he call? Or will he? I get that it could just be a hookup.. but why get my number and ask if he could take me out sometime then? Did I miss something? Is it creepy to FB message him?
Age: 29


First, YES, it’s creepy to message him on Facebook. Listen, we all do it. We get someone’s full name and we rush to social media to find them so we can learn more about them. It’s fine (though counter-intuitive and destructive) to do it, but it’s not fine to let them know you did it. You have to give it some time before you pretend like you haven’t already scoped them out and determined who their ex-girlfriends are and scoped out their profiles.

Second, hold your horses. It’s only been three days.

I get that it could just be a hookup.. but why get my number and ask if he could take me out sometime then?

You have to understand something: most guys ask for a woman’s number after hooking up with them because they know women expect it. It’s basic hook-up etiquette: ask for their number so they don’t feel used. Never read anything into that gesture, because it means nothing. As I’ve said before, everything means nothing until it means everything.At this stage of the game, nothing he does has any real merit. We all go through the motions in certain situations. Until you have a baselines to use as a guide, you can’t assume that anything he does is genuine. Cynical? I prefer practical. That doesn’t mean you should assume he’s a player just looking to pump and dump you. It just means try not to read anything into his behavior. It also means never, ever give someone more credit than they’ve earned.

I don’t know if you missed anything because I wasn’t there. The only thing I can tell you is that you don’t know – one way or another – who this person is. Therefore, you shouldn’t waste more mental energy on him than the situation deserves. Don’t invest more of yourself than is warranted given the brevity of the encounter. If you never hear from him again, don’t try to figure out why, because you will never know. More importantly, don’t assume that he disappeared because of something you did. (That is, unless you know you did something creepy like Facebook message him.) People are fickle. One minute they’re into something, the next they’re not. You know nothing about who this guy really is, so don’t backtrack and recount every second of your night together. There are way too many unknown variables for you to ever come up with a reasonable explanation for why he didn’t call, if in fact he never calls.

Let 2017 be the year you say, “With to without him, I am okay.” Because you are.  He’s one guy. You met him, you’ll meet another one. Or maybe you won’t. That’s okay, too. Do not let your emotions and self-worth revolve around a man’s attention or approval.


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