Should She Pretend To Love Working Out To Get A Guy?

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Name: Couch Surfer

Question: I’m in a town that is well known for its amazing outdoor options (hiking, camping, fishing, kayaking, running, climbing, mountain biking, ski ing, snowboarding, and more…) and almost *all* the online dating profiles for men here seem to have a singular focus on ‘active lifestyle’, to the exclusion of anything else (well, except for our old friends “travel” and “being laid back/easy going”).

My friends who don’t live here seem to think that guys are “fudging” it or saying that because it’s expected, it’s common, or they can’t think of anything else to say, and they really mean they do it “once in a while”, and that it’s not a lifestyle, it’s exaggerated.

But I beg to differ:
Every picture is of them engaged in intense, beyond-hobby-level athletics (like Tough Mudder Races, competitive biking, super ripped six-eight pack abs on a camping trip, and so on). In a 300 character profile, they spend almost all of it discussing their active, healthy, fit, athletic lifestyle and often outright say they’re looking for someone to share these things with.

I feel like I should rule those guys out right away since if someone says they want to share an active and healthy/fit lifestyle, it pretty much means working out 5-6 times a week, and leisure activities that revolve around sports.

My friends are like “but you don’t need to share everything with them, they can have their hobby and you have yours”. They don’t get that it’s different here. People *live* for the weekends where they can go ski ing or hiking…serious hiking. They move here specifically for the chance to go to the mountains for “fresh powder” 6 months out of the year.

I’m not a couch potato, but I’m not fit. I’m not athletic. I am active only in the very basic sense: I don’t drive by choice so I wind up walking a lot. Leisure activities involving sports: zero. Workouts: average of twice a week, but it’s not a sure thing by any means. I stay healthy by walking, watching my diet, taking my vitamins, and taking care of my mental health.

Would it be disingenuous to go ahead and match with the slightly less intense active dudes and then reveal “Oh, hey, I don’t sports”? It’s like looking for a needle in a haystack here to find guys that aren’t SUPER into sports and outdoorsy stuff.

Is this a “white lie” akin to age/body type/divorce status or is this really a lifestyle difference?
Age: 38

 

I feel like I should rule those guys out right away since if someone says they want to share an active and healthy/fit lifestyle, it pretty much means working out 5-6 times a week, and leisure activities that revolve around sports.

You should rule them out. Not just because you don’t share their obsession with fitness and sportiness but because – as you’ve admitted – you’re not conventionally thing. Let’s be really clear about something: when people – men and women – over-emphasize their love for outdoor activities and working out, they’re doing it with the intention of warding off anyone that isn’t conventionally attractive. Trust me, if some hot size four beauty whose idea of cardio was running in stilettos contacted one of these guys, they’d bend the rules for her. They might dump her very quickly, but they will at least give her a chance. Besides, anybody who insists on having a partner that shares their interests is probably pretty rigid and boring. More than likely they can’t relate to someone who isn’t a carbon copy of themselves. Yawn.

Would it be disingenuous to go ahead and match with the slightly less intense active dudes and then reveal “Oh, hey, I don’t sports”?

Do you mean should you lie about being sporty? No. While I’m all for fudging the truth in a profile, this would be one of those lies where you would get caught very easily.Your muscle tone and definition along with your cardiovascular limitations will give you away. Many years ago I lied to a guy I liked and told him I was a runner. First time we went running I nearly died after two minutes.

Is this a “white lie” akin to age/body type/divorce status or is this really a lifestyle difference?

Listing yourself as fit and posting a recent full body shot is not lying. Fit is subjective and the picture will be the filter. Fudging your age is so common that only the most anal and paranoid people will care. Brutal truth? Men will take one look at you and think “Nope” strictly because of your body type. The reason I post a gym selfie is because a) I genuinely enjoy working out and b) I KNOW men will look at my body type in pictures and assume I’m lying. (And because I have great legs and a great butt and like to show them off in my running gear.)

What you should so is be honest about your not-so-active lifestyle and let the guys decide for themselves whether or not to contact you. Yes, it will limit your options, but better to have one or two guys contact the real you than juggling multiple guys only too have them drop you the minute they lay eyes on you. Not only that, but pretending to lead an active lifestyle only to turn around and lol j/k these guys will make you look kind of sad.

 

Thoughts?

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One comment

  1. I admire anyone who has really reached a high state of fitness. I think it’s something that we should all strive toward—if only for our own health (hypocrisy alert: I’m nowhere near “fit.”).

    That said, like anything else, “fitness” can descend into a type of monomania, conveniently repackaged as “personal passion.” I’ve never approached or responded to any woman whose entire dating profile is “one thing,” be it fitness, improve comedy, social activism, travel, etc. No one can be “perfectly well-rounded,” but, to my mind, everyone should have more than 1-2 things that they’re into.

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