I don’t get it. Is it so fuckign difficult for some of
It started out innocently enough. Last week, on my way to the locker room at my gym, I passed a peach-faced trainer of about …
I know I’m opening myself up here, but I was really struck by this post and wanted to pitch in.
No, you were not harassed. (Ah, here comes the mansplaining.) The trainer told you that you look nice; maybe he was drumming up business, maybe he was noticing how often you’ve been coming and that the results are showing, maybe he was hitting on you. There is no way to know. Lets assume it was the later and he was hitting on you…that’s OK. (No, it’s not okay. That’s a place of business and I’m a customer.) It is a gym, not the office. (It’s still a business.) It is not harassment until you tell him to knock it off/thanks but you’re not interested/I don’t date at the gym/whatever. (That’s not how it works. If you’re not socially adept enough to read the cues a woman sends, that’s you’re problem. Not hers He’d addressed me in that manner before and I did not reciprocate.) Now that you’ve said something to the guy and told him that you don’t like his attention, if he persists, you are being harassed. (Wrong again. When women receive emails on OKCupid from guys they don’t know and those men make sexual comments to them or share unsolicited opinions on the woman’s body/looks, that’s harassment.)
Guys are not psychic, and until you tell him you are not interested, how could he know? (The way all the men with any real experience with women know: they read the signs.) Lets assume he was attracted to you, for the sake of argument. He knew you well enough to use your first name, so he was familiar with you. He said hi and you look nice…complimenting you respectfully…that really isn’t the same thing as a bunch of construction workers loudly discussing your anatomy on the street. (It’s an unsolicited comment on my looks/outer person/body. So…yes, it is the same thing.) It is not harassment until you tell him you don’t want/don’t appreciate the attention. It is really just that simple. (Thank you so much for enlightening me, Mansplainer.)
A few days ago, David Schwimmer released a campaign he helped produce called, “That’s Harassment.” Watch the videos and you’ll see that sexual harassment is no longer just pubic hairs on Coke cans anymore. Sexual harassment can be insidious in how it presents itself. It’s not always overt. As one of the video depicts, a female journalist is interviewing a politician, who asks her to turn her tape recorder off. He then proceeds to compliment her, first commenting on her intelligence, then working up to mentioning her looks.
The doctor who makes an inappropriate sexual joke?
The co-worker who tells a woman how attractive she is?
Here’s what’s simple, Mansplainer: Unsolicited comments about a person’s looks or body (that includes men, btw) can be construed as harassment. You’re welcome.
I don’t get it. Is it so fucking difficult to let a woman exist in a space without commenting on her body or looks? Like, do you have such a lack of impulse control that you can’t just say hello and leave it at that? Do you really believe that the Babyfaced trainer makes the same kind of passing comments to the male members? Let’s try to imagine how that would go over.
Babyfaced Trainer: Hello Gym Guy. You like nice today
Gym Guy: *Side-eyes Babyfaced Trainer and ignores him.*
This scenario would never play out in real life because cis straight men don’t pay attention to other men’s looks. That’s all we want, too. We want to be able to walk freely among you without feeling on display.
Is that too much to ask?