A Matchmaker And a Misogynist Walk Into a Bar…

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By now, most of you must be aware of The Douche Heard ‘Round The World named Dan Rochkind. If you’ve been living under a rock for the past few days, let me provide some backstory:

The NY Post decided to troll a handful of oblivious self-involved asshats in an article entitled, “Why I Won’t Date Hot Women Any More”.

The article centers around 40 year-old Dan Rochkind, who claims to have dated some of the hottest women in Manhattan.

barguy

I know. I don’t believe it , either.

Anyhoo, Dan shared the tribulations of an average looking guy living in Manhattan and working in finance. He completely surrenders his agency in this situation, acting as though all the dates he had with these Glamazons just magically appeared in his Google Calendar. By seeking out these beautiful creatures, he was not being shallow. No. He was just capitalizing on the one thing that made him interesting: his wallet.

Somehow it never occurred to Dan that braying about all the hot women he dated   probably wasn’t the wisest of moves. The result was glorious. Twitter savaged him, attacking everything from his “full head of hair” to the fact that had he not had a job in finance, those women wouldn’t have looked twice at him.

That article has been widely deconstructed and roasted enough. Now let’s parse the equally tone-deaf response crafted by Dan’s fiancee and – wait for it – her mother.

We were surprised by the response to the article and how people saw Dan. He’s not a jerk — he’s a little bit nerdy, good-looking, smart and family-oriented. He’s an amazing person.

I don’t know how anybody with a functioning frontal lobe couldn’t have seen this disaster coming. The sense that I get is that Mother and Daughter Spindel were more concerned with reader’s general perception of Carly than the flogging Dan received. Even they throw him under the bus a bit by describing him as nerdy. Good luck there, Dan. Their initial bid for publicity backfired so they doubled down and prayed for daylight, using Dan as a shield. They saw an opportunity to get additional publicity and they ran with it. There was very little defending of Dan and a whole lotta push for the company. As smarmy as Dan was portrayed, it’s my belief that everybody being interviewed in that article was set up to look as obnoxious as possible. The quotes pulled were so bizarre in how they lacked self-awareness and the photos used were laughably tacky that the reporter had to be trolling these people.  It’s also a safe bet that Dan’s fiance and mother put him up to doing the interview in the hopes of getting their company publicity. He sounds like a douche, but that’s not a guy who decides on his own to partake in something so seedy. Reporters put out a call and publicists/experts/others respond. I think the Spindel’s saw an opening for free marketing and took it, using Dan as a conduit.  The general impression I have of  Serious Matchmaking is that the business model revolves around finding arm candy for shallow men.  Dan is your garden variety average looking finance type who pulled a relatively but certainly not atypically attractive woman thanks to Mama Spindel.  It all went side-ways when Dan – the mother’s choice for her own daughter – was made to look like a gigantic ass, thereby putting her matchmaking talents into question and making Carly look desperate.

We were surprised by the response to the article and how people saw Dan. He’s not a jerk — he’s a little bit nerdy, good-looking, smart and family-oriented. He’s an amazing person.

He’s never dated supermodels, but he’s dated smart, successful women who had full-time careers and sometimes posed for their friends’ fashion and swimsuit brands.

There’s nothing wrong with that.

I wonder if either of these two take the spinning classes at Equinox, as that is some impressive back-pedaling. He didn’t date full-time models, you see. Just part-time ones. And let’s get something really clear: nothing – and I mean nothing – makes a man look weaker than letting his girlfriend and her mommy defend him.

Keep in mind that the target market of this service is hollow men and women looking for someone they can trot out at parties and on social media. So, regardless of how awful everybody involved with this NY Post story comes off, the company’s bottom line will not be affected. Their client roster is mostly comprised of men with money to burn and a mid-life crisis to stall.

But I haven’t even gotten to the best part of their response. Both Janis and her vapid daughter really, really, REALLY need to keep their mouths shut when it comes to what defines inner beauty.

Beauty comes from within — if a woman is confident, knows her worth, has nice skin and pretty hair and takes care of herself — that’s what’s important.

With our matchmaking business, Serious Matchmaking, we’ve had nearly 3,000 successful matches.

That’s right ladies, as long as you have nice hair and skin and, you know, love yourself you too can lock down a Dan Rochkind. Keep it right and tight and men will flock to you! PS…here’s a link to our Matchmaking Business. Meanwhile, Carly’s hair isn’t even real and let’s just say that as far as her age goes, I want receipts.

giphy

Editor’s Note: I was going to link to her Instagram where she flaunts her tacky extensions, but she’s locked her account down and made it private.

Spindel admits she looks for signs of wealth on a man before she approaches him or takes him on as a client. Notice how it’s the women being told not to overshare or get sloppy drunk and to smile.  Oh, and no cleavage, sluts! The men? Apparently the schlubs these two charlatans procure can do, say, and look however they choose.  Yay for equality!

Then there’s this blurb from Spindel’s website:

Women are members, not clients. Janis Spindel and Carly Spindel work with a specific number of exceptionally awesome male clients per year. They look for beautiful, smart, amazing, professional women to introduce to their male clients.

 Women are all personally met with and vetted.

Okay. Now let’s look at the language used on the informational page for potential male clients.

Janis Spindel and Carly Spindel travel the country meeting women with beauty, brains, body, and balance. They’re known for conducting bachelorette searches all over the world. Janis Spindel and Carly Spindel spend time with their clients to get to know who Mrs. Right is. They have matchmaking recruiters in every city that introduce them to fabulous new women on a daily basis. The Spindels passion for what they do comes across as soon as you meet them. They’re known to be available around the clock and are extremely dedicated to their clients.

Huh. Where’s the line about the men being vetted? Something tells me that as long as the men provide a few years of tax returns and bank statements, they could be the incarnation of Ted Bundy and the Spindels wouldn’t care.

Their matchmaking business sounds like it exclusively caters to the male gaze, matching up rich men with beautiful women not for a relationship but for status. That’s what they’re selling, I think.  Not love. Not companionship. Certainly not marriage. (There’s a reason why there’s no Testimonials page on their website, folks.)  What the Spindels excel at is selling off women like they were chattel to the highest bidder.  That’s why most of their interviews revolve around dispensing tips and tricks to women, but none to men.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-3702100/Single-ready-mingle-Two-New-York-matchmakers-NOT-wear-date-revealing-men-love-women-look-like-Mila-Kunis-Jennifer-Aniston.html

But OF COURSE they advise men on how to spot a gold digger. (Take note of how there’s no companion interview about how to spot a sociopath or stalker.)

http://nypost.com/2014/04/16/can-you-spot-gold-digger/

Spindel should know how to spot a gold-digger, since it’s very likely that makes up a large segment of her female member base.

Here’s what really chaps my ass about this rebuttal. The original article was about a man seeking his ideal mate and yet the advice these two dispense is directed solely at women. There’s no, “Hey, boys, try to cut back on the Farts and Sadness cologne and hit the treadmill. Nobody likes a beer belly!” It so painfully obvious these two believe women have an obligation to stay fit and attractive or risk losing their paunchy, bloated, dull as dishwater man.

The success of their business model hinges upon perpetuating sexist and antiquated gender roles and tropes. The only upside to their services is that – by marrying these wealthy men off to trophy wives – they’re taking misogynists out of the dating pool.

So, thanks? I guess?

 

 

 

 

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31 comments

  1. “They’re known to be available around the clock and are extremely dedicated to their clients.”

    Yes, gotta have that 24/7 availability just in case one of their clients has an unexpected charity ball or business dinner at 3:00am. Mmmmhmmm.

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  2. I actually went to one of Janis’ group meetups for women (which is supposed to be the “vetting”) some 10 years ago when was on the marriage mission. I met Janis and other women who showed up. Back then the even was held at Dylan’s candy bar or whatever that cheesy store is called. To imply that Janis is running some escort agency is ludicrous, this is not at all what she is about. She’s your typical community jewish matchmaker (which is a cultural thing since in traditional jewish communities dating never existed) who’s taken her approach commercial. My impression, based on what she was asking, was that most of all she was looking for girls with the right pedigree, girls from the right families. None of the women there were model looking, none at all. They were all certain type of NYC women, mostly jewsih, grew up in a wealthy suburb in LI, came from good families, played lacrosse, gone to some good but nothing special schools (think Syracuse, Brandeis) and had desk jobs (marketing assistant, PR, etc.) but not, you know, actual *careers*. This was the archetype she was looking at. Me, I felt very out of place there. I actually was the blond, modelesque-looking, social climber who’d gone to an Ivy league and had a serious and grueling, at the time, career in finance. And, I did not play lacrosse or go to camp. Growing up, I spent my after-school time picking strawberries in the field with my parents and it wasn’t for fun (to this day the thought of people doing it as a fun family activity makes me cringe). I knew Janis’ male clients weren’t looking for a non-domestic gir like myself. But yeah, Janis is introducing traditional jewish girls from good families who want to be housewives and mothers to eligible bachelors who can afford this type of wife. There’s nothing wrong with that. These are not bad people.

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    1. Thanks so much for the lecture on Jewish culture and daring rituals, but I have a Jewish mother who already covered that. And double thanks for the long lecture on how superior you think you are to all the Jewish girls. Sis, your Trump vote is showing. And no, I was not implying that she’s running an escort agency – I was pointing out that whoever wrote her marketing copy sucks.

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    2. I went to one of her recent events last year. It was a joke. Me and the other women stayed behind to chat after the mother-daughter pair ran off to meet a bachelor-in-waiting for dinner. We agreed that the whole thing seemed like a ploy for them to generate fast cash for their shopping trips while in town and they weren’t really seriously vetting or even considering anybody there…

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  3. “Beauty comes from within — if a woman is confident, knows her worth, has nice skin and pretty hair and takes care of herself — that’s what’s important.”

    People who are not naturally attractive (by common standards) of course put the emphasis on having nice skin, pretty hair, and a hot body. Those are things you can change. All of the people in all of these articles don’t seem to be able to separate an actual beautiful (both inside and out) person from a person who believes beauty comes from hair, makeup, and a “hot” body.

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    1. Seriously, like just admit that you’re looking for young beauties for wealthy men! There is a major whiff of “those who protest too much” – like how she claims no woman who balks at the $1000 fee just to meet her makes it in. I feel like the smart, business-savvy women she claims to want to attract would have a few questions. I bet their business wouldn’t have gotten dragged half as badly if they were just upfront about it.

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  4. Based on the website, this basically looks like a soft prostitution service for very elite men. Women can sign up for the service for under $1K, but for men it ranges from about $150K-$350K. Men who can drop this cash merely for some “consulting” or “dates” are not just millionaires but billionaires. The website images also suggest that, as a man, this is how you need to be rolling to sign up: not just a single private plane, but a small fleet of them. Not 1-2 mansions, but European castles.

    I doubt that the women signing up for this service have some real hope of marrying one of these guys, but her benefits can range from jewelry and furs (all re-sellable at high prices), to a year’s worth of rent paid or a Porsche (but need the title, or it can be yanked back) dropped off on the doorstop. Even at the lowest end of media, where I work, there’s a ton of (straight, bi, and gay) soft prostitution that I’ve seen. I imagine that among the elite, it’s even more rampant.

    So as long as it’s all consenting adults, I see no problem with it. There’s plenty of rich women, so the market says that a similar service should be established for them, if it hasn’t already—and I’m talking elite, not just some escort service full of hunks. That’s the libertarian in me.

    I wonder, though, how many people who sign up for this are truly up for the ride. Some people can probably just shrug it off as “just another way to earn some quick cash,” with no negative effects. They might even really enjoy it. For others, stepping into this world can be terrible: the slide from soft to hard prostitution, hard drugs and mental problems. The social isolation, because it’s hard or embarrassing to explain that you are a “kept” person. I certainly wouldn’t encourage any of my nieces to sign up for this. That’s the conservative in me.

    Regardless, all the national attention that this article has generated has no doubt been a huge boon for these women’s firm.

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    1. **Women can sign up for the service for under $1K, but for men it ranges from about $150K-$350K.**

      Holy God. You’d think that a man (or woman) with that much money is that way partly because they know how to spend it wisely. But fine, whatever, it’s their life. Trying to dress the service up as so wholesome and “learning to grow and appreciate what really matters in life” or whatever is what’s so disingenuous and vomit-inducing.

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    2. what on earth are you talking about? Matchmakers have so many more women than man that as a woman you can expect to be introduced to someone once every 6 months TOPS. I never signed up with Janis but I did with one of her “alumni”, a matchmaker who used to work for her and they did introduce me to eligible as described men. I did not pay them a penny. I did not meet my husband that way but it can work. And a one time fee of $250K is not that far from what a couple of years on match would cost you. In a big city like NYC It’s pocket money anyway.

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      1. Uh….unless I’m reading this wrong, Match is like 30$ a month, meaning that 3 years would be about 1000 dollars. Not two hundred and fifty *thousand*. Unless you are reading the fee as “two hundred and fifty DOLLARS* not 250,000.

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          1. Janis clearly stated on yelp that women are “not clients”, men are”. So exactly what is she charging women for? So yes, match is better in that at least match sees you as a “customer” and is looking to provide you a service. As far as it looks to me, Janis just figured out she can sucker some money out of the very commodity she’s peddling – namely women.

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  5. It’s also quite possible that the service (like Ashley Madison) is simply a scam. Maybe there are no billionaire male members at all. The “matchmaking” company would then make it money by collecting these small fees ($250 to $1,000) from the female applicants.

    Since the service claims their vetting is so robust, they could then collect the fee, but tell the women that, sorry, they’re not acceptable to their stable full of billionaire celebrities. Multiply this by thousands or tens of thousands of female customers, and you can easily see the large revenue stream.

    The fact that this company claims to operate globally, but only has a handful of employees (basically just mom and daughter) also gives it a shady feel, clumsily marketed as “exclusive.”

    Verification of whether it’s a scam or not could only come by at least a few of the alleged billionaire male members going public with their memberships. Or at least women who could say they went on some dates with billionaires. Even 2-3 testimonials would put this service more on the level.

    To be honest, I’m leaning more toward the service being a scam. Unless they “show the receipts” as Moxie suggested.

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      1. Quick Yelp/Google/RipoffReport search seems to show about 95% of customers “highly dissatisfied,” or “feel totally ripped off” and “met nobody. ” Mother and daughter seem to be using scam model above. Almost have to appreciate the sheer boldness and genius of these ladies. Why didn’t I think of that?

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  6. Sadly, I must admit that I read more than a few of these articles commenting on Dan, and the Swindel women…I must say that I agree with this one most. What was supposed to be an ad for shameless self promotion backfired-leaving Dan looking like the world’s biggest douche, when it was really Carly and Mommie Dearest who set up this fiasco. Yes. Dan is most certainly a douche. After all, he is engaged to this turd of a woman. I had the opportunity to troll her Insta before she freaked and went private. Let’s just say, it was hardly inspiring…consisting of her nails, stupid extensions, and shopping. Is this what a successful, smart woman is about? She and this Dan deserve each other and all the horrible comments heard around the world. Enjoy your vapid lives until Dan forgets to erase his internet porn and escort searches.

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        1. That godforsaken belt told me everything I needed to know. But bless her heart for wearing pretty much the same outfit I used to hit the clubs in circa 2003!

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    1. I once interviewed with Janis Spindel about 15 years ago. She was hiring an assistant. She interviewed me and another much younger, much thinner woman. She literally ignored me the whole time and only asked the other woman questions. It’s all about appearances for these two. And I’ll say this: I interviewed at her home, an apartment on 86th Street in a tacky looking building that let’s just say isn’t modernized in any way. The apartment itself was wholly unimpressive for someone who claims to be so successful.

      I get the feeling Janis (and Carly) like to present themselves as being far wealthier than they really are. They don’t have the polish or pedigree to run with Manhattan’s elite so they fake it. They’re the “keeping up with the Jones’s ” types. They go to the right gym (which I can afford, so it’s not that exclusive), they go to the Hamptons, they laughably tout Carly’s Syracuse education like it was Ivy League when really Syracuse is where every middling Browning and Spence student went because their parents had money. Not that Carly went to a tony prep school, I don’t think she did. Janis likes to brag about the $5,000 she spends on plan tickets and about her “office in Boston” but my guess is she generates a modest amount of revenue that barely covers the costs to run her business.

      If you have a second, definitely check out the obnoxious responses Janis wrote to some of the women leaving bad reviews on their Yelp page
      https://www.yelp.com/biz/janis-spindel-serious-matchmaking-inc-new-york-2

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      1. Yeah I don’t think the office in Boston actually exists. There is a woman on LinkedIn saying she works for them here, but I couldn’t find any actual address. As for that interview…what professional do you know who interviews two candidates at once? I really highly doubt they’re actually making matches for a high-end clientele – sophisticated people are generally pretty damn good at spotting shifty social climbers and other fraudulent types!

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      2. Wait hold up. “The women are NOT my clients. The men are”? So why do the women get charged a $250 fee to attend a meet and greet? For shits and giggles? Why does she feel the need to point out to paying female customers who gave her bad reviews that they were unattractive? And then theres this: “So many women enjoy meeting each other and make such wonderful friends through my meet and greets. By the way, that was no mixer, there are no men there.” Awesome. Glad theres a place for all of the undateable, tattooed “hags” to make friends. This woman sounds vapid.

        Ran, Dan! Run!

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  7. I’ve met more than a few of these women over the years. All smoke and mirrors. The only thing polished about the two of them is their nails.
    I can picture her apartment with tacky tchotchkes all over the place-totally mismatched. They have absolutely no idea about class and taste…evident with multiple photos (including the news article) of them in an ‘Hermes’ belt. That seriously made me laugh.
    Sort of ironic how a very unattractive woman can focus solely on physical beauty in those around her when she herself possesses none. What a painful interview. She did you a favor. Can you imagine having to work for this woman?
    Syracuse is certainly respectable, but hardly exclusive. What did she major in, ‘Communications ‘?
    Sorry, I’m being petty, but I just cringe when I see bottom feeders like these front like they’re Upper East Side elite. I’m not sure Carly can spell ‘Spence’…
    I did read those Yelp responses. She is such an asshat. They all referred to just how ‘sorry’ she was about how little money they spent to waste her valuable time and how rude THEY were. Who does this broad think she is? Well, she certainly effed things up for Dan didn’t she? I’d say this probably strained the relationship a bit…

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    1. I mean, I have a degree in Communications, too. But I at least admit Emerson is similar to Syracuse in that it’s where kids who didn’t excel academically went because their parents had money. At least when I went there. I don’t think it’s like that now.

      Manhattan is full of men and women like Janis and Carly Spindel. I can’t tell you how many “image consultants” and “coaches” I’ve encountered who mostly live off their parents while they flit around the city talking about their super successful business.

      I actually feel sorry for Dan. They used him as chum for the article. They weren’t savvy enough to see how the story was going to be framed. At the very least they could have said many of his quotes were taken out of context. They were more concerned with preserving the reputation of their brand than his. And, YES, you can be sure this whole kerfluffle put a strain on that relationship.

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      1. I’m in So Cal, so I know all about coaches and self help ‘experts’ 😃
        I agree with you 100! Keep your articles coming. You’re a great writer. ❤️ from the left coast.

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  8. This!: “I wish I was a housewife instead of working 25/8 and making lots of people happy and bringing babies into the world.” -Janis Spindel.

    Oh I did not know Janis was an OB/gym too.

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  9. To be fair to her business, if she is charging men $250k and women only $1k then it would make sense to be harsher on the quality of women. Each man is worth 250 women. Higher quality women = more men = ? = profit! So that is just good business. If the fees were swapped between the genders then I’d imagine you’d find more advice towards men on not getting sloppy drunk or having their tits out etc.

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    1. It sounds like the business model is more along the lines of what Speed described. Janis wrote a bunch of self help dating books targeted at women then dangled the promise of dates with celebrity billionaires in front of them. Sounds like every meet and greet generates $2500-5000 for her for what? A one hour coctail event? Easy peasy and she is under no obligation of “taking calls 24/7” or delivering any actual value.

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