Nobody Cares How Big Your Dick Is, Bro

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This is an actual message I received on Instagram yesterday:

Keep it classy! #classy #classact #harassment #creepy #block #nope #gross

A post shared by ATWYSingle (@atwysingle) on

Let’s forget for a moment that this freakshow sought me out because I’ve written previously of being a size queen. #sorrynotsorry. My favorite part is how he offers to share a little bit about himself, but just continues to brag about the size of his dick as though that’s all I need to know before deciding if I want to hop on it. PS? I guarantee you he’s average in size. Guarantee. Oh, you’re penis is seven inches long? That’s adorable. Next.

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There’s only one thing worse than receiving a message like this, and that’s when some White Knight rides in to save the day and assure us that they are so embarrassed by their gender and #notallmen are like that. That guy can take a fucking seat, too. We see you, motherfucker. We know what you’re doing. I would love it if someone could explain to me why men think comments like this are a) appropriate and b) will lead to success.  I’d also like to be educated on how anybody who lives in the digital age and uses social media doesn’t realize that – at any moment – something they say online could be put on blast.

How come we never see viral stories about a woman emailing a man and spewing racist, overtly-sexual, offensive commentary? Honestly, what do you think would happen if a woman emailed a random guy and said, “Hey, how’s you like to cum on my face?” We all know what would happen. That douche bag would plaster that email on every social media platform available and call the woman a slut. Of course, that’s after he accepts her offer.

Now, I’m not shaming this guy for wanting to get laid. Desiring sex is not a crime against humanity. I’m reacting to the utter stupidity and shallowness this guy displays. Look, if you want to define your value by the length and girth of your wang, have at it. That’s tragic, but you do you. I would never be attracted to a guy who thought of himself that way; I’d pity him.  I would never sleep with someone simply because he was well-endowed. I need a little more than that. Some guys, like this one, apparently don’t. Cool. You can exercise your sexuality however you choose. Some women might be perfectly fine with engaging you because of your large (I mean “large”) penis. That’s perfectly acceptable, too. Just don’t assume you know me and how I operate because you read a line on a blog, you douche.

What’s truly pathetic is that – at some point during this guy’s formative years – he was told by a friend or read an article by some basement-dwelling PUA wannabee – that this approach works. That’s the craziest part of all of this. What did this guy think my reaction was going to be? It’s that presumptuous that truly offends. Here’s why: because what he said was offensive.

And here’s the kicker: just minutes after I got this email, I received this one:

I must get at least 1 or 2 messages like this a week through Meetup. Let me be clear: I am not bragging.  Trust me. Nobody is more aware of the fact that I am painfully average looking than me. All a woman needs is to present as a female and she is barraged with unsolicited comments like this. Very few women appreciate being spoken to like this by someone they don’t know.  It’s dehumanizing.

And here’s a side note to this rant: I am constantly amazed at how many men (like the guy above) join women-only groups and RSVP for women-only events. It’s as if they can’t fathom that there they might not be welcome somewhere. “But I have a penis! That means I can go anywhere!”

No, it doesn’t. I hate to break it to some of you boys, but there are actually moments in a woman’s life when she doesn’t want you around or need attention from you. Deal with it.

Thoughts?

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3 comments

  1. Yep. What are they thinking? Just seconds ago, I received a POF message from a married (separated) guy informing me that he “gives great oral.” Bleech!

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  2. EW. Why are people so dumb? I mean, let’s say you said “oh yeah, DM me a photo”…so then you have his name and his dick. It’s like when someone we know socially decide to send a dick pick apropos of nothing – I mean, aren’t they afraid we’ll show it to people? I get that men will never get the Cersei Lannister-style shaming a woman would be subject to, but still, don’t these people have careers/families/friends? You know some of these people have significant others too. Stupid is as stupid does, I guess.

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  3. Yeah, this guy is super-obnoxious. First of all, from what I remember, you alluded to appreciating large penises in a context where you were already hooking up with for other reasons. I don’t recall you ever knowing they had a large penis beforehand, and I certainly don’t think they smugly informed you of said penis.

    What irritates me more about this guy is the way he said it. It’s really corny, but I also find it kind of glib and unlikeable. I mean, does having large junk really constitute being large in all the right places? What about having large lungs or a large brain or something? Or what about metaphysical qualities, like having a large amount of compassion? I mean, I guess the guy was trying to be clever, but it would’ve been slightly better if he just said “I’ve got a big dick. Would you be interested in playing with it?”

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