Because F*ck Him, That’s Why

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I’ll warn you ahead of time that this might read a little disjointed. I’m exhausted and having one of those days.

Now that I’m up to three yoga classes a week, I figured it was time to add a class that was a little more cardio and strength focused. As I mentioned last week, my concern when trying a new class is that I’ll be the one person lagging behind.  I like to take a space in the back so that – if I fall behind – I can see what others are doing and catch up. The back row is also my preferred spot because it allows me to hide to some degree. As ballsy and strident as I can be, being in groups of people makes me nervous.  I’d hoped that if it were a group of women the vibe would be more inclusive. In most of my classes that is the case. But when the class or instructor is popular, the dynamics in that room shift dramatically. The mood goes from feeling relaxed and social to bitchy and competitive.

On every occasion where I’ve decided to take a class that has great word of mouth, I’ve walked into what felt like a viper pit. Aside from the lone man who stays to himself, the room is filled with women in or around my age range (late-thirties to fifties.) Everybody is rushing around grabbing their equipment and jockeying for a spot on the floor. Ask one of them if they’d move a scooch to the right or left and you’re treated with disdain. They maybe move a couple of inches, the whole time refusing to make eye contact with you.  Depending on the class, you might overhear one of the women who booked a spot reaming out the studio manager because the class is jam packed and she can’t find a place to put her mat.

Today I had the displeasure of taking Athletic Conditioning with a guy who’s taking off the next two weeks to get some award from Equinox. He walks in three minutes before the class starts, which is never a good sign. But he’s popular so I guess that makes it okay. I managed to get some space in the back row where I was smooshed between two other women. Normally, an instructor asks the class if anyone is new and if they have any injuries. This instructor didn’t do that. Instead he jumped right into the warm up. Now, remember when I said I have trouble with my breathing? Keep that in mind. So we’re squatting and stretching and doing jumping jacks and planks with no rest time in between. At one point I stop because my breathing is so labored my chest hurts.

“Don’t stop!” the instructors shouts into his headset. “You have ears. I know you can hear me.”

I look into the mirror to see that – as predicted – I was the only one who’d stopped. Whether he was talking to me directly or not wasn’t clear, but it was enough for me to grab my weights and mat and put them back where I got them. I walked back to my spot to get my phone and water bottle trying not to disrupt anyone’s workout.

“Go around me,” a woman hissed.

Now, I never leave a class. Ever. Having taught workshops myself at one time, I always hated when people would leave early. I find leaving disrespectful to the instructor. But this guy so deeply embarrassed me that I didn’t care. I’ve taken classes with some instructors that make me want to try harder or that are so challenging that I vowed to come back and show them (well, myself really) what I could do. Not this guy. Nope.

willhunting

I grew up being criticized by my father at every turn. I respond to criticism.  I don’t have to tell anyone that has read anything I’ve written in the last five years that I am tough as nails. As a writer, I’ve been berated and critiqued and picked apart for years. I’m bulletproof. It wasn’t the criticism itself that rubbed me the wrong way. It was the complete refusal to try and help me get better combined with the angry/cliquey atmosphere of the room that shook me. The way that guy barked out his comments so infuriated me, I refused to stick out the class. Fuck you, dude. That’s not how you teach, and if Equinox rewards you for that approach, shame on them.

Not to be deterred, I left the gym, came home to do some some work,  and then went back up to Equinox with plans to take a yoga class. OF COURSE I ended up missing yoga because I had to get my sister’s money for her rent in the mail. God forbid that’s late. You’d think she’d call and ask how that depression thing of mine is going or inquire as to how I am, but no. When she calls, it’s to complain about her life and remind me to send her check.

Anyhoo…

I’m doing squats and I feel a tap on my shoulder. I turn to see one of the male trainers in regular work-out clothes.

“Hi,” he said. “My name is Blahblah. I see you here all the time. Can I just correct you on one thing?”

Bitch, no you didn’t.

“Sure,” I said, waving him into my spot with an exaggerated swish of my hand. “Go ahead.” I’m so sure that if I were a guy with poor form, he totally would have interrupted my set, right? That’s a rhetorical question. The answer is: No, he wouldn’t.

I stood alongside the machine with my arms folded and pretended to listen while he mansplained how to do a squat, something I’ve been doing for god knows how many months without issue. I didn’t bother to thank him for his pearls of wisdom. I just stepped right back into my place, did one last set, and gave up. For the second time in two hours, I trudged down the metal stairs feeling defeated and with tears in my eyes. Only this time I got into one of the changing cubbies, sat on the bench, and cried.

Do I strike you as someone who weeps at insignificant things? Exactly. That’s how wrecked and self-conscious and inadequate I felt. Intensifying those feelings are my tours of Instagram looking for motivational work-out clips. I look at the bodies on those women then stand in front of my mirror naked and sigh. Yes, I see changes in my body. But I’m not losing weight as quickly as I’d like and now I worry my boobs are sagging. I used to get so many compliments from lovers about my breasts. Simon, the guy I’ve been casually hooking-up with for the last couple years, always tells me he loves them. (No, I don’t ask his opinion. He offers his compliments unsolicited. Granted, he’s usually inside me at the time and so maybe that’s not a great example, but I digress.)  That’s fine, I guess. It doesn’t make me less insecure, though. See the blatant bid for compliments Instagram photo below. I don’t look like that in the mirrors at my gym.

When I found out Gym Guy’s name and tracked down his Instagram, I was disappointed to see that the majority of people he followed were female bodybuilders and bikini models and dancers. There isn’t one average looking woman one either of his follows list. I see him at the gym now and I ignore him completely. I won’t even look at him, that’s how disgusted I am. Out of the corner of my eye one day I saw him get up and walk over to me, only to pivot right back around when I got up and walked away. I refuse to engage him and be one more woman that throws her panties at him. He’s just another shallow, vapid guy in this city with unrealistic expectations of women.

I got a full body spray tan over the weekend hoping it would make me look more toned. It does, but I still had to stand there naked while a woman sprayed bronzer over every inch of my body, including my ass, breasts, pubic area. At one point she took the mirror and showed me my back. All I could see was how broad-shouldered I was. I stayed in that room for about 15 minutes while the tanning solution dried. All I could do was analyze my body at every angle.

I’m not even sure I should be saying any of this, lest I be accused of being anti-feminist. It seems that talking about being unhappy with your weight or body is verboten around some parts.  I don’t understand why.  I watched a woman get ripped a new one on Facebook last week for daring to say she felt unhappy about being overweight. Why is that not okay? As long as we’re not saying that everyone should feel the way we feel or mocking someone’s body or choices, why can’t we express concerns about our own bodies? It’s ten days later and I’m still confused as to why there was such an uproar in the comments. Anyone care to enlighten me?

I’m so tired of being the only person in a work out class that is bigger than a size six.

I’m tired of  swiping right on dating apps and not getting matches, most likely because I’m bigger than a size 6.

I’m tired of getting that pitch in my stomach every time I catch a glimpse of myself in the studio mirrors.

I’m tired of flipping through photos on Facebook or Instagram and seeing people with their significant others, wishing that was me.

Basically, I’m tired. Exhausted, really. My days are work, gym, work, writing, work, writing. My tank is empty, my soul depleted. Feelings of inadequacy trigger my depression, and so today has been a series of crying jags and fitful sleep.  It’s been a good three months since I’ve had one of these days, so I’m doubly angry at those assholes for making me break my streak.   I need encouragement and support and I don’t have it. Some days it’s just too much to deal with and I crack.

Today is one of those days.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

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22 comments

  1. It really blows that the gym is getting ruined for you by assholes. You’re so right about the classes, though. I love classes, but the more popular they/ certain instructors get, the more cunty my classmates become. And WHAT IS WITH the refusal to make eye contact when you’re asking something like, “Is this treadmill open? (I can’t tell because you have your shit spread out all over the floor),” or “Do you know what time the last spin class is on Sunday?” Just answer the goddamn question. Actually, that’s true of the gym in general: the busier it is, the fewer manners and basic measures of human decency are on display. It’s the law if averages, I guess. More people = more jerks. I blame Tr**p. We can’t have nice things. Like a society.

    This isn’t very encouraging, is it? Can you take a vacation? I think leaving New York for a while might not be the worst thing.

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  2. I’m sorry! This seems like it’s all too much right now. If it’s any consolation, it seems like every single one of my female friends is riding the struggle bus right now: family issues, free-floating depression, relationship stuff, work stuff, etc. I feel like the current political atmosphere has poisoned what used to be more innocent pastimes. Like FB or news sites, or dating sites—it’s a “must” to find out the political affiliation of your potential date (and I am not kidding!) whereas before it was a mild work around if they were on a different part of the spectrum than you. Now it’s your bodily autonomy and rights on the line, so yeah…we care if you voted for Trump, dude.

    I will say that one thing that helped me and is helping me is focusing on activism in my own way, a way that feels good. I took a long time to think it through and found a way to be activist (feminist, body positive, inclusive, and aware) in a way that felt positive, because rallies and protests and lawmaker calls were draining me and upsetting me. ( I expanded a second hand clothing selling side gig into a full business—see below comments)

    NYC I think is one of those cities that can just…grind you down after awhile. The one-upman-ship, the competition, the cattiness, the superficiality. Yes, it’s one of the greatest cultural and social institutions of our nation…and it’s a straight viper pit.

    I think there’s pressure no matter what: if you’re not happy with your weight and you admit it, you’re a bad feminist and not HAES enough. If you are happy with your weight/body/whatever, you’re smug, shallow, and “fake”. Women get picked apart relentlessly no matter what. I have good and bad days with my body, like almost everyone. I think this culture of constant connectedness, confessions, and responses is causing more anxiety than it is worth.

    I think one reason people react negatively to a woman saying she’s unhappy at a certain weight are:

    —it scares them. If Person A is unhappy and they look like me, that’s a Bad Place to Be. Meaning I’m bad too.

    —it exposes their own hypocrisy. Look, HAES/ body acceptance/fat acceptance is a moving target and a goal for me and many others. I own a online shop for curated second hand and vintage women’s clothing that only carries “cusp” sizes (sizes 12-18 and L-XXL) and I struggle with body acceptance every. day. I am still debating if I want to source known plus sized brands for the store (like Lane Bryant, Jessica London, Catherine’s, and the like. Because I recoil from those brands. They’re uncool and they’re for “someone else”, not “my” girl who shops with me. There’s a stigma, and that makes me mad, but it’s real.

    —it goes against the narrative that all bodies are beautiful and that being above ideal weight is nothing to be worried, ashamed, or upset about (for the record! I am not saying it IS, I’m saying that’s what people are “hearing” or reacting to)

    —on a deeper level, it is frustrating to hear women blame themselves instead of: MRAs and other d-bags who scream all over social media about “fatties” and fat-shame women at every level of the game, fashion industry which encourages women and girls to starve, and is only now in 2017, 400 years into the game, showing everyday, average body types, the fast food and soda companies that prey on less wealthy and educated individuals. These forces are REAL and they hurt women. Women have the right to feel sad or bummed out, but explore the reasons why. Is it because I’m not feeling alert or active and ready to go or is it because I can’t fit into a certain cool brand? That might be some of it.

    —every women that admits she’s unhappy is a “weak link” in the chain. I wish ALL women would be united in standing up to above mentioned “forces” but they’re not. I think the more vocal and serious among us are very scared and sad to see someone (perceived) “buckling under” to the “dark side”.

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  3. Oh girl, I’m sorry your day sucked. Keep in mind that it’s very common for depression to temporarily get worse when spring starts, so you might want to check in with your therapist about that. Also, stay the fuck off social media until you’re feeling better. I know you know this, but I’ll remind you that even people with The Most Picture Perfect Life On Instagram Ever have issues. In the meantime, it can’t hurt to make yourself something delicious for dinner and have an Arrested Development marathon. Would Lucille allow a rude gym-goer to get to her? I think not!

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  4. I’m so sorry you are having such a terrible day. I can’t say anything to make it better but I have lots of empathy and hope tomorrow is a bit better for you. We’ve all been there, and some of us are here right now.
    (the commenter formerly known as Tinker)

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  5. You are a person. It is ok to crack. Being bulletproof isn’t always the best thing to be (for the record, I think of being bulletproof as being unbendable and stiff. Not always so easy being unbendable and stiff.) Having feelings and reactions are ok. And you aren’t being criticized now, except by your own self. So be kind to yourself. You may feel isolated now. That, too, is normal. Even those people in relationships feel isolated. The thing I love about yoga is that it gives you a connection to something. To the earth. To yourself. Sounds kinda hokey, but it’s the truth. We all want a connection. I’m 40 and on my own. I too have thoughts about being in a relationship but I do my best to find connections in other ways (yoga, meditation and running.) Maybe look into a yoga retreat for a weekend. I know for a fact that women of all sizes do those things in beautiful settings all over the country. It’s not just for skinny chicks with perfect butts.

    And as stupid and trite as this sounds, it may seem overwhelming now, but this too shall pass. Take care of yourself. This is a great time to take a break. And give yourself a break! Weep at insignificant things (and not beat yourself up for it). Get a spray tan because it makes you feel good. Maybe do yoga at home if you aren’t feeling the gym (I like Yoga with Adriene on YouTube or Fightmaster Yoga). The gym is like going to work; some days will be great. Some days you will want to punch everyone there in the throat. I hate the term “self care” because it makes me think of those bizzos at xojane who couldn’t life without self care. But there’s truth to the process. So again, be kind to yourself. You deserve kindness, and sometimes in that you will find a connection. I hope that you know that you are not alone in this.

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  6. Sigh. Look, Moxie, I’m sorry about your bad day, but some of this seems to have made you a little too hostile to people whose jobs entail trying to help patrons, like the trainer with the squats. As I read it, he was polite. He didn’t jump in and criticise, he asked you if he could do so (you could have said no). Although you don’t elaborate as to the surroundings, there’s no indication as to whether or not he intruded on your set within earshot of other gymgoers…so it doesn’t sound like you were criticised in public. And don’t give me any of that mansplaining shit. I dunno what kind of qualifications he has, but physical trainers at decent gyms usually go to accredited schools and take exams to earn those qualifications. Did you ever think he might know more about exercise form than you, and that even though you’ve been doing squats for years, maybe, just maybe, you’ve been doing them wrong for years? This isn’t impossible. Periodically, exercise science revises itself with new advice and caveats, tossing out old “conventional wisdom”. That’s particularly true with squats, since poor form has been shown to cause or aggravate back, hip and/or knee problems, particularly in older gymgoers…which you are. Furthermore, some gyms are more concerned about liability than others. They get nervous if they see patrons do something that might prove injurious to themselves or others. I reiterate: politely offering assistance and/or advice is his job.

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  7. Here’s the difference: One, he wasn’t working. He was just at the gym working out. Maybe if he’d been working I could see your point. I mentioned in the post that wasn’t on duty, btw. Secondly – and this seems to be the part that men like you constantly don’t get – he wouldn’t have done the same thing to a man. He would never have approached a guy the way he approached me. To review: he wasn’t working, which means he was busy watching me while he was working out on his own.

    I had a trainer show me how to do squats. I don’t do anything with weights without talking to a trainer first. I know how to do squats. Sure, my form could have been off, but he could have waited until I was done to say something. But no, he had to take time out of his work out to interrupt mine. I don’t give a fuck how much he knows. Mind your fucking business unless I ask you for your help.

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    1. I’m a man, and I’ve had it done to me by an off duty trainer at my gym. I was doing my shoulder raises wrong I guess. I just figured was trying to establish a relationship so I’d consider him if I wanted a personal trainer. Now he gives me a fist bump every time he sees me (eye roll). Sales, sales , sales!

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  8. I honestly don’t think there’s anything wrong with your body. You are proportionate, reasonably lean, average type. Women with mug “worse” bodies get married every day (don’t take my word for it, take a trai to the city hall one day and see for yourself). You do, however, sound very aggressive and hostile in your comments. Which I get. Men so tend to suck, and sometimes everything is just too much and everybody needs to just fuck off. But that type of attitude is super unattractive to the opposite sex and just in general a counter productive way to live one’s life. Take care of yourself.

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  9. Something I think you should know about all those perfect insta bodies. They are all cheating! I would be 95% took “gear” aka steroids to get to that form of physical shape the other 5% have the genes for it and no one can beat that. You have made so much progress by doing this clean and on your own.. be proud of that!!! The ability and cost to be on steroids is shockingly easy. That’s why every gym has those sterile needle disposals.

    Now on to the first douche gym guy. He should have have had much better tact than that in approaching you about your form. Also I do know this from my own experience my bf and his gym buddies are all huge on correcting form with people they see someone with poor form or doing something wrong they correct them. More so the guys they never approach women as it does come off as douche moves.

    The 2nd douche canoe.. the class instructor. Good lord he needs to get his head examined. Now I’ve taken alot of classes I know douche instructors. That’s beyond ridiculous. He is so full of himself he can’t teach worth crap he is full of himself. I have favourite instructors and I may be biased to some because I have made friendships with them but that’s because they are amazing teachers and know how to reach people and have people skills. Teaching is now for everyone. It’s appealing that this guy has been awarded for his lack of skill when it comes to tact. It takes me a class or two to see if an instructor is worth my dedicating my time slot to their class. I agree with you the more high traffic the gym the less of quality of instructors. I know what my gf has to go through for her Les Mills training certification and it’s so thorough and detailed and intensive.

    Don’t give up! Don’t let other people’s lack of humanity keep you from your path! You are stronger than all of them collectively.

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  10. Jesus fucking christ. I got so mad reading the mansplaining part. It would be one thing if someone wanted to just suggest a tweak, but I have men that come up to me and launch into an entire demonstration of something I’ve been doing for YEARS. They WOULD NOT do that to a man. They just wouldn’t. It’s infuriating.

    Is finding a new gym an option? This place sounds so awful.

    I was pretty small most of my life and these past couple years I’ve put on some weight. I am still healthy and pretty toned but yeah, it can get to me when I start comparing myself to others. I get it. I’m sorry you had one of those days.

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    1. I read this post and it reinforces a feeling I’ve had for some time now. Everywhere more and more people are getting more and more thin-skinned, flipping out over the most minimal (perceived) slight. Sure, you feel wronged, but skip a beat, take a breath. Is it possible you project your own hostility onto a given situation? In my gym people speak up to help each other when they see someone reverting to bad form. My yoga instructor is a sadist; she not only yells not to stop but holds poses until half the class collapses. And she is most people’s favorite!

      O.K., your aerobics guy wasn’t your cup of tea. Why not try to Leave it at that?

      BTW, you’re 50 years old. For 50, you are a knock-out. Do yourself a favor and stop comparing yourself to people 10 to 30 years younger than yourself.

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  11. I feel your pain since I used to belong to the same gym as you for years when I lived on the UES. Switched to the 92nd St Y since it was cheaper. The pilate mat classes were consistently good. Plus you are laying on the floor so no judgement. As you age it is important to strengthen your core. Yoga is not a competitive sport so do it at your own pace. The good instructors will recommend modified positions for beginners. As for squats, they are very tricky and one can get out of alignment easily. I finally learned to do them correctly yet I still ask my trainer if I am doing them right.

    Manhattan is a tough place to live, people can be downright mean. You may want to consider an apartment swap with someone in San Francisco. Weather is better here and the men are very outdoorsy. Overall people are a lot more chill and the produce rocks.

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  12. I think you need a new gym. This place is full of terrible people, and clearly doesn’t make you feel good about yourself. I don’t think this is much different than walking into a fancy new bar full of douche bags and mean girls–of course you’re going to feel bad about yourself there–as compared with going to a different bar full of friendly (and also attractive) people who consider you an actual human being. I’m sure there are a lot of options in NYC, you may just have to think outside the box a bit–what about yoga classes, outdoor bootcamps, small group training facilities, etc.?

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  13. Hey Moxie – I really enjoy your posts. Let me preface with the fact that I am a gay guy who loves your blog and have followed you over several years.

    To touch on a few points. I’ve been an all access Equinox member for 9 years and have been to Printing House location in NYC and Reebok so I get it. There are always going to people that are fitter, better looking, and younger no matter how hot you are or how hard you try. Nothing new to you, I know. It’s a high performance, luxury gym. With that said, it seems like EQ has triggered a lot of insecurities that might be in your head. I know you are having a bad day. Sometimes how we feel about ourselves on our bad days colors the experiences we have. I’m in good shape, but there is one class I take with a really popular instructor and I am always terrible. I hate circuit training of any kind. When Beverly Hills house wives my senior keep going (trust me, I think LA trumps NYC in superficiality) and I am just standing there breathless, the instructor starts yelling at me in the class. I would just start laughing (probably my version of feeling like a nervous loser) and then would keep at. I’ll never be the best no matter what in that class, but I really have grown to love the teacher. In terms of Yoga, it’s not a competitive sport. I practice every day – sometimes I’m great, sometimes I’m not. It happens. Yoga is about being where you are at on that very day. Yes, it does feel competitive but make it your own. Somedays you need a child’s pose and others it’s warrior 3 while others fall around you. Who cares? Just breathe.

    What bothers me a bit about some of the posts of late is the man bashing. Back in the day you were championed for advice that saw both sides of the coin with men even being the victor in some scenarios. I am not “mansplaining” (is there “womensplaining” or would that be sexist?). I think todays instructor was there to help you. Again, maybe on a different day you would have felt differently. We all have them. One day, I was doing some very light bench presses and a very petite female trainer came up to me in front of other people and noticed one side was weaker than the other, offering me pointers. I didn’t realize I was so off on my form until she said something. She wasn’t trying to shame or embarrass me (I am not bulletproof, very sensitive). I thought she was simply being kind and helpful, part of the $230 I pay per month. You say if you were a man, he wouldn’t have interrupted your set. What I have noticed is that most men straight & gay alike at the gym rely on the floor trainers. We sometimes need to rely on one other for help on bench presses, pull ups, etc. It’s as simple as that.

    One other thing I had read awhile back that made me pause was your hostility and perceived sexism when other men were simply saying hi or being friendly. EQ is somewhat of a lifestyle experience that I think they even refer to as an Urban Country Club – it’s a place where friendly superficial relationships are formed. I find it comforting that I have seen the same people year after year, even if only a quick hi across the room – men, women, gay/straight. I’ve found clients, dates, and the occasional quick lay at the gym. It’s my sanctuary. From my observations and friendships with straight men, they are fairly straightforward with their actions. As you know and address, they don’t think like women and don’t put a lot of premeditated thought into simple actions. Sometimes “hi” across the gym floor is just “hi – good to see you” – it’s just as simply as that. It’s not, “let’s shame, embarrass, and intimidate this nice woman working out”. Maybe in this crazy world we could all use the benefit of the doubt a little bit more, cut someone a little slack. I am guilty of the opposite as anyone. Sometimes I hate the front desk people, think they are snide bitches b/c I haven’t dressed up for a 6am workout, but usually it’s b/c I am an in a mood and has nothing to do with them. They couldn’t care less – they have their own internal drama they are gossiping about.

    Lastly, as a casual observer and someone who uses apps like Grindr for sex, I put my body on display and some people are into me, others aren’t. As an aside, I don’t understand why (predominately) women post photos of themselves in nude or scantily clad photos on outlets like Instagram stating it’s not for validation and then criticise people for commenting. If you put it out to the world, they are going to respond in kind, the good with the bad. This girl Ariel Winter comes to mind – always putting T&A photos literally with nothing on (I mean naked), clearly having a publicist promote her platform, and then goes to the media with “Stop objectifying me” articles. It doesn’t make sense. Maybe I am just desnitisitized b/c the gay world is built on a foundation of sex, perfect bodies, and objectification. We learn this as soon as we are out. Also, as an LA native, this is what our world is like – gay or straight and everything in between.

    One of my favorite posts of yours and one that received a lot of acclaim on multiple sites was the one where you referenced your pride for your powerful thighs, firm hips, and build (paraphrasing but I recall the gist) – it made you feel strong, healthy, and empowered. Stay true to your roots. There will always be someone better and even they age/are off kilter some days, so what can you do? If EQ is making you feel badly about yourself, maybe it isn’t the right fit. I often hate going to the gym, but I’m always glad I went.

    Tomorrow is another day and everybody has their struggles. Let’s try to be a little kinder to each other and be grateful that the majority of us have such high class worries like UWS ladies being catty in yoga class. Many would kill to be on that mat.

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  14. Perhaps a nice trip/vacation to somewhere warm and nice would help? Even if just for a few days, although a week is better. And BTW, this guy thinks you look great, and I’m sure a lot of other guys think so too. You haven’t lost your mojo by any means!

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  15. Moxie I’ve been reading your columns for at least a year or two now and it sounds like you need a vacation to somewhere warm so you can sit on a beach with no cares at all for a few days. I wish I could give you a hug to let you have some solace, but I live in Boston which is obviously a long way from NYC. Anyway, it sounds like you had a real bad day and I’m sorry about that, but having looked at your photo that you posted, A, you look great for your age, B, don’t EVER be ashamed of that body, and C, these douchebags at the gym are people you shouldn’t care about and you were absolutely right to walk out of that class, that instructor was a prick.

    Be well and I hope tomorrow’s a better day for you. Think seriously about that vacation, I mean it. You sound like you need a lot of quiet time.

    –Tomas

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  16. Yoga isn’t fitness, it’s fad. You dont’ lose weight or tone your body with yoga. Muscles need movement, not just sweat. Try boxing. You’ll get so toned you’ll go into bars not looking for guys but looking for fights.

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    1. You lost me at “yoga is a fad.” 5,000 years if hardly “a fad.” I’m not even going to address the rest of your ignorance. Yoga doesn’t involve muscle movement and doesn’t tone muscles? Jesus, are you trying to sound stupid?

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  17. Good post, Moxie. I’m sorry to hear you’re going through a rough patch. I would hope that you’d realize that you have high standards for yourself and to know when to cut yourself a little slack so that you can get more done in the long term.

    Something you wrote caused me some concern though. With Gym Guy, I’m not sure that you should write him off because of who he follows on Instagram. I know that I follow guys on Instagram that are pretty far removed from guys that I would LOVE to date. I think it’s just a factor of stereotypically “perfect” people being more likely to have Instagram accounts–the fact is, I’m relatively new to Instagram, and have not found guys with Instagram accounts that best reflect my preferences. As a result, the guys I’m currently following are good-looking, but in a kind of generic, slightly boring way. They don’t fully reflect my preferences, and I’ve been meaning to clean up my account (especially because I use it to keep my dating photos and don’t want guys to get the wrong idea. I can understand not wanting to be around the guy because you perceive him to have essentially a fan club of girls fawning over him, but, if he’s otherwise a nice guy, I wouldn’t write him off because of who he follows on Instagram. Just my 2 cents.

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