Don’t Blame My Vagina For Your Insecurity

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Here’s an article to make you ragey:

I’m a Straight Man and I Hate Giving Oral Sex

Now, I don’t believe that anybody is obligated to perform a certain sex act. When it comes to sex, everybody who has sex has different likes and dislikes. If a man or woman said that they just didn’t enjoy giving head, I’d shrug and say, “Okay.” I like giving head, and that’s why i do it. I don’t perform oral sex in order to get something in return. But I draw the line at someone who won’t go down on me because they have very obvious biases towards vaginas.

This dude can spare me all his assurances that he loves women and loves vaginas. He doesn’t. Know how I know that? Why, from these two lines:

Like most humans, I too have a sense of smell and that’s he [sic] first drawback. I never liked the smell, regardless of the level of hygiene a girl possessed.

And if it weren’t already hard enough to have it splattered against your face – with your nose pointing directly to the centre of the stench

Aaaand scene. If a person equates a “stench” to a vagina, they’re harboring some internalized misogynistic views about vaginas. You know, those things they claim to love.

Listen, I love giving head. It doesn’t thrill me when a man’s ball sack has a slight tinge of urine or if his pubic hair is unwieldy, but I soldier on! What truly offends me about the author’s two statements is that he makes no mention of the possible unpleasantries of being nose to testicle. Nope. It’s all about the stinky vag.

Most importantly, however, women are absurdly demanding when it comes to oral sex.

Make note of the use of the word “demanding.”  Something tells me that this guy equates “giving instruction” with “demanding.” It’s not easy for most women to climax. In fact, for something like sixty or seventy percent of us, it’s impossible to come without clitoral stimulation. Though, weirdly, I can orgasm with a vibrator but not with P-in-V penetration. Go figure.screen-shot-2017-01-09-at-8-27-05-pm

I can not be the only person who picks up on this guy’s blatant insecurity about his cunnilingus skills, right? And that – just maybe – he doesn’t like eating women out because he fears he’s not good at it. But instead of taking ownership of that fact, he blames the unfortunate smells and tastes associated with a vagina. (He describes the taste of women’s vaginal secretions as “rusty”.)


Here’s the deal: if you’re someone who says things like, “I love going down on men/women…as long as their showered and clean” you don’t actually enjoy giving head. You don’t. Because here’s the thing: sex is messy. You’re putting tongues and fingers in orifices, you’re swapping fluids, you’re sweating. There’s nothing clean about sex. It’s one of the few times where you throw caution to the wind and don’t wash your hands before touching certain things. Anybody expecting a vagina or penis to smell like peony and fresia is woefully inexperienced. Sure, the scents and tastes involved with sex can sometimes be unsavory. I don’t love swallowing semen, but I do it if the moment calls for it and I’m in the mood. It’s literally part of the package.

The worst thing you can do when you’re between someone’s legs like that is to shame them. That goes for men and women equally. The author of this piece is so disconnected from his true feelings that he’s unaware of offensive his article is. You don’t have to love eating me out. You don’t even have to do it. But you’re not going to get away with blaming me for your feelings inadequacy.  I will call you on it.





  1. He writes, “… but the vulva is not so great. It is a WOUND in an otherwise perfect whole….And if it weren’t already hard enough to have it splattered against your face – with your nose pointing directly to the centre of the STENCH…”. (capitals are mine). But of course, he must have his blow jobs! Amazingly, this selfish jerk is married, too. Too bad for her.


  2. A sprinkle a day, helps keep odor away. Seriously, if a woman has an odor reminiscent of the Fulton Fish Market, even BEFORE the festivities begin, it can dampen the moment. Sure, the olfactory experience comes along with the territory but hygiene helps. Can’t always be clean for the moment? This goes for both MEN and WOMEN. Even with spontaneity, one should be self-conscious. If I thought I wasn’t clean….and let’s face it: After a five-mile run, I ain’t getting next to anyone, least all of in that sense….I wouldn’t expect OR want any such activities. Perhaps, I am less selfish, though….


    1. if a vagina actually smells like fish then the person in question has a vaginal infection and needs to get some gel or go to the doctor. It’s called bacterial vaginosis. Unfortunately because of the stigma attached to the smell of vaginas very few women will go to see a doctor for these issues or talk about it with their friends.

      Liked by 1 person

    2. You may not be aware of this, but many women developed cervical cancer after sprinkling themselves every day with baby powder in their personal areas.
      So they literally developed cancer out of a misplaced and untrue fear that vaginas smell “like fish”. I have been intimate with more than one woman, and I can tell you they do not. They have a salty, slightly oceanic odor, and if you take a lady directly off the dance floor and into bed, sure, she might be a little fragrant. But I have also had more than one man comment positively on liking or being turned on by the natural odors of a woman who is aroused.
      Society today is so disconnected from the natural body we think that natural musk, which is evolution’s way of saying “I’m turned on! I’m ready!” is actually a negative.
      Sex, and sexual organs have a scent. They are not neutral. If women can deal with men’s natural odors, men can do the same for women.


      1. Nia — I didn’t mean literally “a sprinkle a day” of baby powder. I know that’s what the commercial was about, but this was figurative in nature. I am also aware that talc may be carcinogenic in nature. My point was really that hygiene is important and that goes for both sexes. Yes, after a day of summertime sweating, one is going to be a little on the ripe side. I suppose I am a little more self-conscious about myself after a shower in the morning and “activity” in the evening. I would just as soon not participate, as I have experienced some smells that suggested some not-so-great hygiene. Comes with the territory — I get it…..That’s why one does the “scratch ‘n sniff” test first. Well, not literally but sort of “testing the waters” down there. That will tell me whether or not to put on the scuba mask.

        Yes, organs and sex have a scent but I also don’t want to smell like two goats in heat going at it……..


        1. I am just confounded at these multiple reports (over time on this and Moxie’s other blog) of “hygiene issues”. Most women are bombarded with constant exhortions to wash and scent every possible part of their body. Products for women are highly scented for this reason. The “feminine products” aisle in the grocery store reveals, in addition to the old standby of the douche, scented wipes, scented sanitary products, and special washes, all to keep this apparent biohazard area smelling “fresh”.

          Women are aware they are supposed to smell “fresh” or like some chemical fruit weirdness. I don’t know of and have never been near or intimate with a woman that had a truly offensive, strong odor. My mind really boggles that there are so many women who, somehow, with gymnastic contortions, avoid a critical area they’ve been told by everyone (parents, friends, the media, boyfriends, doctors) to make SURE is clean and kept in tip-top shape while in the shower, or when freshening up for a date or going out.

          So who exactly are these women? WHO ARE THEY?

          Look at who you’re on a date with. Is her hair washed and styled? Is she wearing makeup? Are her teeth in good condition and appear clean? Does she have fresh breath? Are her nails kept well and free of dirt? Is she pleasantly scented (deodorant, powder, cologne, etc). Are her clothes clean? If she is wearing sandals, are her feet and toenails in good shape?
          If all of this is a “go”, I am having trouble believing an otherwise well kept and well groomed woman simply neglected to perform basic hygiene on her private areas.

          Instead, I believe that one of two things is happening:
          —The date has poor overall hygiene that the man is ignoring or unaware of for some reason (she’s hot, you’re drinking, it’s dark, whatever)
          —The male half is extremely sensitive or does not, in fact “love vagina!”. Natural odors are offensive and smell “goat like” to him.

          I am not saying your own lived experience is not real. I’m sure there are women who give it the old “squirt of perfume and a promise” before hitting the bar, or people who, for whatever reason (diet, medical issues, whatever) have a strong odor. I just have a LOT of trouble believing that so many women have this issue, as reported by male commenters.


  3. All of this kind of thing makes me sigh a sigh that lasts a thousand years for the lack of knowledge men seem to possess regarding the biology of the female genitals.


  4. I’m sorry. I didn’t see insecurity in this nonsense article. What I saw was an enormous sense of male entitlement that I had hoped was disappearing. The author cites statistics in support of his belief that most men dislike giving oral sex, but puh-leeze! There are 3 times as many blow job videos than cunnilingus videos because probably 10 times as many men watch porn as women! Do I get off watching a guy get a blow job? Um, no. He can’t seriously believe that blow jobs are a normal and expected part of the sex act, while denying the same pleasure to his woman. It’s the same old story. He gets his, and you’re out of luck. As a man, he is entitled to his blow job, but your vagina is too nasty to deal with. If I was his wife, he’d get his blow job all right, and a hefty mouthful of sperm afterward! He clearly has no concept of what the sex act should be, a mutual giving of pleasure to the partner. He is obviously only concerned with his own pleasure, and couldn’t care less if his partner enjoyed it or not. So long as she fakes her orgasm convincingly.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. To be “fair and balanced,” this piece that Moxie references is a companion to an article on that same site by woman titled, “Why I don’t give BJ’s” or something. It was as caustic as the article written by the dude.

    I’ve lived in cultures where it’s customary for both people to thoroughly shower/bathe before sex. In my experience, it’s an improvement, but, as Moxie wrote, even after a scented bath sex itself will never be free of sweat, raw fluid exchange, heat and noise. A man’s tool will never melt in your mouth like a popsicle and a woman’s mound will never taste like cherry pie.

    In fact, to my mind, the “rawness, the smell, the animalistic “rutting” is part of the appeal.

    If you expect sex to be as clean, aesthetic and smooth as a romantic film (or anime!) scene, it means you haven’t had much (or any) sex.

    My personal take in sex is that, as with any other part of the relationship, you’re not going to get some of what you want and are going to have to do some things you might not necessarily enjoy—or will have to learn to enjoy.

    But I get the market appeal of both pieces: simply caustically demand what you want, ridicule your partner for any disagreement, and move on to your “abundance of other options ” if they don’t comply

    This kind of advice is what a lot of people want to hear. Even if it’s actually a type of self-harm.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Oral sex is probably my favorite part about sex. I love giving bjs, but if a guy refuses to go down on me, I’m sure as hell refusing to go down on him and probably also not fucking him in general. Hopefully his wife realizes it’s not a fair trade that she’s giving him bjs with nothing in return and starts getting him to go down or maybe find herself a real man.


  7. I think you’re right that he has a hangup because of his first attempt at oral sex. It seems like he felt a bunch of shame and embarrassment around that first attempt that he never got over. And instead of trying to get over it with a patient, accepting partner, he’s decided that it’s disgusting and he doesn’t want anything to do with it. He basically says as much when he says:

    “It is practically impossible to get over a bad session of oral sex. Do not even try to say things like “I appreciate the effort”. Any man who’s failed at satisfying a woman orally knows that means you’re instantly out of the game.”

    The story he’s built around this for himself is that if you don’t do a good job going down on a woman the first time, there’s no way to make up for it and you won’t be given another opportunity. If you fail, you’ll be considered worthless sexually, so don’t even try.

    I hate to even think about what kind of relationship he has with his wife with that kind of black and white, over-controlling attitude–inside or outside the bedroom.

    In my experience, oral sex and woman-on-top facing forward, fully penetrated–so no in and out motion (so she can keep her clitoris constantly pressed against my pubic bone and she can control the pressure and pace of the rhythm) is the easiest way for women to climax (without toys).


    1. New England Man : “In my experience, oral sex and woman-on-top facing forward, fully penetrated–so no in and out motion (so she can keep her clitoris constantly pressed against my pubic bone and she can control the pressure and pace of the rhythm) is the easiest way for women to climax (without toys).”

      That has been my experience as a woman. 🙂

      But I’ve had a couple female friends who admitted they didn’t like men going down on them, so I guess the male writer found one who felt the same?

      I’m unconvinced enjoyment/ lack of enjoyment when it comes to oral sex is a psychological issue. In my experience, it is a compatibility issue – and one that might result in breaking a relationship off. Often early on.


  8. “Going down on a woman requires a combination of talents that I do not posses, and so I have decided to dedicate myself to other things. ”

    Like pleasuring himself? This article was hilarious.


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